Yesterday, I was dominating at work. (Or as much as that can be the case for a desk-sitting marketer… HAHA) I hosted a new website intake meeting and felt totally in my element. I created and submitted a new business proposal for an interesting potential client. I was even proud that I took the bull by the horns with a difficult project dilemma, having a real-real talk over some issues and making a clear plan for resolution.

I called it quits for my productive day about 5:00 PM and headed down the road to pick up my kids. I stride into the preschool and see my one-year-old baby girl sitting in the lobby on her teacher’s lap. She spots me as I’m smiling and reaching out to take her and then cries and latches on to teacher. We chat and laugh a little about her “going through some things” and needing transition time between caregivers. She eventually let Mama hold her. But it did break my heart for a moment.

We ended up having a fairly routine (a.k.a. chaotic) weekday evening – drive home, dinner, baths, stories, bedtime. I snuggled my daughter as much as possible. I insisted I be the one to give her bottles, patting her hair, tickling her toes. It wasn’t lost on me that S didn’t feel so connected to me right then. And I wanted to do every little thing I know to help us bond. But the overarching thought blaring in my mind was that of many parents… When I’m championing at work, I am likely to feel lacking at home.

I had the thought. It is not ceasing. Although it’s not all negative over here. I realize each day requires trade offs. It’s probably great that I be reminded about the harmony I’m seeking within my worlds, to stay mindful and try my best, to not fall victim to the impossible dream that I can do it all at once.